Those of you that have read An Unplanned Life may have read the short little prologue to A Cry for Hope in the back. I have since added to it and felt that it was only fair to post it in it's entirety. So here it is:
* The following is copyrighted material and subject to change (unedited)
Prologue
Nick
Abate was the boy I knew my entire life.
The boy that I wasn’t afraid to cry in front of. The boy that I wasn’t embarrassed to snort in
front of when I laughed too hard. The boy that I would have burping contests
with, and the boy that I considered my very best friend.
I
can’t remember any time in my life that I hadn’t known him. Nick and I did
everything together. Everyone in the neighborhood called us the dynamic duo.
Our relationship was so easy. We were so close that sometimes it felt more like
we were brother and sister than friends.
It
was the end of eighth grade when things began to change a bit for us. Our hormones
were beginning to take over, and I couldn’t help but notice the muscles forming
in Nick’s arms, the change in his voice or that fact that he had sprouted up about four inches in a matter of weeks. I hated that I sometimes got butterflies in
my stomach when I looked at him and scolded myself for feeling that way. I
really became angry when I found myself staring at his butt in his tight little
baseball pants when I would watch him play baseball or when I would hug him a
little longer than I should have after we would crush the opposing team at
wiffle ball. He was my friend and I
shouldn’t have been feeling that way for a friend. All of the other eight grade girls were
starting to notice him too and as much as I told myself I didn’t care, I knew
that deep inside I really did. It was our end of year eighth grade dance and I
was battling with that green eyed monster
as I watched Heather Braverman the girl that had it all; perfect hair, big blue
eyes, big boobs and every boy in the eighth grade drooling over her, dancing with
Nick. I felt like Raggedy Ann next to Barbie whenever I was in her presence. I
watched them swaying back and forth and I couldn’t help but realize that Nick’s
hands were moving awfully close to the danger
zone - Heathers butt. Heather filled
out her fuchsia dress perfectly in the chest area. I looked down at my own
chest in in my baby pink dress – nada.
I
jumped when I felt a tap on my shoulder. “Hey Hope you wanna dance?” Steven
Wyler asked. Steven was my crush all year long, and at any other time I would
have been jumping up and down if he had asked me to dance. But seeing Nick and
Heather together made me want Nick as a partner instead. I contemplated my answer
and then I saw it - Nick’s hands in enemy territory.
“Sure,”
I responded. Steven took my hand in his and we walked out on to the dance floor. My legs were shaking as we began to move back
and forth. I had day dreamed about Steven for the past year. What his perfect
pouty lips would feel like on mine. What he smelled like, and what it would
feel like to be embraced in arms. Now, being so close to him I realized his
lips weren’t so plump, he didn’t smell like anything special and his arms, well
they were just like anyone else’s. He
pulled me closer and I closed my eyes to block out Nick and Heather and at the
same time imagined that I was the one
in Nick’s arms. I knew it was wrong to be thinking such thoughts about Nick,
but I couldn’t help myself. I opened my eyes when Steven loosened up his grip.
I smiled when I saw Nick tapping him on the shoulder. Steven graciously backed
away and allowed him to cut in on our dance.
Nick
wrapped his arms around my waist, while I circled mine around his neck. “Well,
well, well Abate you unglued your hands from Barbie’s butt.” I looked over at
Heather standing over the punch bowl with her friends, Gina and Terri, A.K.A Malibu and Skipper.
“Haha,
you are so funny Hope!”
I
stood on my tippy toes and whispered in his ear. “If you get to first base, I’m
dying to know if she’s using tissues or paper towels.”
Nick
looked at me strangely. “What?”
“To
stuff her bra.”
He
shook his head and laughed. “You are crazy Hope!”
“I
know, but that’s why you love me.”
My head rested on his chest as he pulled me
closer. The music changed to Mariah Carey’s “I’ll be there” and the butterflies
of all butterflies began to flap around in my stomach. This is Nick, your very best friend. Make those darn butterflies fly
away! Nicks hands began to wander until they finally found their way onto my danger zone. I heard him snickering
and I looked up at him and smiled. “Watch the hands Abate!” He flashed me his double dimpled grin, moving
them up to the small of my back. “Much better,” I smiled. His lips were coming
dangerously close to mine. I had never really kissed a boy. Well actually I had kissed Nick before but not in a
“real kiss” way, but something in Nick’s eyes was telling me that I was about
to experience my first “real kiss” with him as well. His lips grazed mine gently, making the hairs
on my arm stand at attention from goose bumps. His tongue gently pried my mouth
open. I allowed it inside with ease and followed suit, sticking mine in his. He
hugged me tightly as our tongues danced together to the beat of the music. He
tasted sweet, like bubble gum. A gentle touch on the lips was the perfect
ending as the music stopped. We stared at each other for a little longer and we
both began to giggle. I was smiling on the inside when I looked over Nick’s
shoulder and saw Heather Braverman who had been eyeing us up the whole time,
rolling her eyes and walking out the door. Take
that Barbie! He likes Raggedy Ann!
“Can
you share some of that gum with me?” I asked, breaking up the awkwardness. He
took his gum from his mouth and ripped off a piece. He popped it in my mouth and I smiled. “Hey,
thanks pal!” I said.
“Anytime.”
Yup,
Nick and I were the very best of friends, until the worst possible thing in a
fourteen year old girl’s life happens…..her very best friend moves away.
***
I know what you're thinking. You'd
hoped that Nick and I would fall in love and live out our happily ever after.
But that's not how it happened. This is the story about my family. My beautiful
son, my once perfect husband and finding the courage to live and feel whole
again. If
it weren't for my very best friend Nick, I wouldn't have been able to truly
recognize the strength I had inside of me. His friendship was one of the
happiest memories of my past and unbeknownst to me a very important part of my
future…...
I
sat at the ocean’s edge as Charlie jumped the waves. This was our happy place. The
place where we had spent most of our summer days. At eight years old Charlie was quite the
swimmer. Still, I made sure to always keep a close eye on him. The ocean was a
dangerous playground and as much as Charlie loved it, I knew that it could turn
on him in a heartbeat. Unfortunately, on that warm August day it did and there
was nothing I could do to save my little boy. He became one with the ocean and my
entire world ceased to exist…..
